Lost & Found & Lost

I lost my husband to the complications of cancer this month. I have known this day was coming for 18 months, I just wasn’t quite prepared for it to happen now.

I have so many lovely people in my network reaching out to help with food, wine, flowers, virtual hugs, and the offer for manual labor. To every person going through this with me or in their own lives I offer one piece of advice: live your damn life today.

Take the trips, go on the date, take the classes, spend the time, check-in with those you love, and move on from those that dim your light. Timothy went hard in life. He had fun, he went places, he took chances and he fiercely loved a girl who stood beside him to build an empire. His desire to partake of life reminds me of my favorite poem by Dylan Thomas, Do not go gentle into that good night. I’m going to leave it right here for you:

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

I’m feeling a little lost on the way to my new normal. But I have lots of fabulous memories to help carry me there.

Do the damn thing babes.

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